Getting Along on Money Issues

Getting along on Money Issues 

Ability to get along with each other on money issues is crucial to a lasting and enjoyable marriage. Issues around money are among the major threats to oneness in marriage. So how do spouses find each other and stay free from conflicts about money and make their marriage joy full. How can compatibility, harmony, synergy and PEACE be achieved around this issue.

 •         Lay a strong covenant foundation. The threat from money is not from money itself  - it's nature, it's scarcity or abundance. The threat comes from the character of its possessors and the quality of their relationship, money is neutral it takes the character of the one it belongs to. Also, money, little of it or its abundance, simply amplifies foundation weaknesses and flaws already existentp in a marriage relationship. How money affects a marriage relationship therefore depends on its foundation. An unconditional lasting commitment to fidelity with each other out of love and honour for God, one founded on love, transparent positive communication, respect  and trust (1 Corinthians 13) makes a firm foundation. If a marriage relationship becomes sour with more money the cause is not the money. The money is simply exposing the poor relationship quality that already existed. If something good existed money leverages it to be more apparent and beneficial.

 •         Set price limits. How much are you willing to pay to get money? You cannot seek money at any sacrifice and cost. Agree on the limits. For example you should not sacrifice your faith and calling in God, your marriage, your children and your health. Busyness takes your time from something else including your important relationships. What takes your time takes your life, for it takes a part of your life time.

 •         Practice oneness. Decide and agree on why you want to have money. Money is a means to an end not an end in itself. Agree on the purpose, values, parameters and priorities that govern how you deal with money. Decisions about money are easier when you are clear about where you want to go or what you want to achieve because you simply evaluate how a decision contributes to your progress towards your life goals.  How can two walk together unless they agree (Amos 3:3). Achieve oneness by agreeing.  For example agree on Agree on life goals and have shared financial goals. Agree that the goal in material prosperity is not affluence but influence and kingdom financing. Agree on the biblical standard of strong marriage and family. Agree to put God in first place and at the center of what you do. Agree on the principle of faithful tithing and generous contribution to God's work. Commit to sowing instead of eating seed, for you will starve in the future if you eat it.  Agree on guidelines of how financial decisions are made in your relationship. They include who you support and what discretionary allowances are available for each spouse, etc. Never forget that for the sake of peace money flees couples who quarrel about it.

 •         Joint stewardship. Settle the issue of who owns money once and for all. God owns everything including all the gold and silver. God is the owner, he gives to givers so they have something to give in turn in the form of cash and service. He gives seed to investors so they can multiply and invest in the work of his kingdom and for his glory. As the recipients give more he releases more to them. So people are stewards of what God gives them. Both male and female received a shared mandate to manage, sustain, dominate and offer back to God what he created.  A married couple becomes one flesh and have joint stewardship to what each brings to the relationship. Anything that express oneness including living together in community of property,  jointly opening accounts, or joint access to them, or jointly registering properties is in the right direction. As stewards both will give account to the owner God. Money is a good servant but a terrible master don’t let it control and be your God.

 •         Hide nothing from each other. ‘They were naked and not ashamed.’ This nakedness is not only physical, which spouses tend to do well, but it's hiding nothing from the other. Never go into legally binding financial commitments without agreeing with your spouse. Spouses have been shocked to discover debts and surety commitments by their spouses unknown to them. Sometimes it's the financial commitments they are secretly servicing unknown to their spouses.  Be transparent about how you are earning or getting money, how you are spending, the investments you have and how you are bequething your money (your will). Pray and plan together how you will earn and apply your money. This process involves discussing and negotiating differences to reach commonness. It also involves learning and developing financial wisdom together to achieve a common understanding.

 •         Be content in God (1 Tim 6). Unmet needs will always be with there in life. Expenses and needs rise to whatever  the level of income you achieve. In economics they talk of diminishing marginal utility. You will always want more after meeting previous needs. Distinguish your needs from your wants. There is never enough. Wealth is abundance of possessions or fewness of wants. If you make your wants few you increase relative wealth. Times have changed. In agrarian economies couples understood each other better as they were from similar ethnic backgrounds. Life was basic. Now relationships and choices are more complex. Options are limitless and keep being churned out thereby raising pressure to keep up with the latest. Therefore resist pressure from peers, commercials, comparisons, trends, etc .  Also be patient with yourself and respect your stage in the development of your marriage. If only two years married don't compare yourself with the couple that is thirty years married. You can afford to put off some buying decisions for some time.

 •         Harness and accommodate difference. Identify and make room for the strengths each brings to the marriage. If one is stronger at managing finances allow them space to lead the management of finances. While you still do it together it's wiser for the stronger to play a lead role. Also, allow for gender and role interests and patterns. For examples when having guests  in your home the wife's concerns or preparation requirements may be more detailed. So give space and resources and enjoy your difference. Because you are two you should achieve more. Marriage therefore offers immense potential for synergy to attract and multiply wealth.

 •         Apply faith together. A Christian couple has supernatural resources and authority to achieve more than the ordinary. So build your foundations in God's word and your intimacy with God. Intimacy with God will achieve healthy intimacy in your relationship. Be strong in the Lord in agreement and it will be just a matter of time before something amazing shows in your relationship.  Togetherness also gives a couple the advantage of supporting, advising, cautioning, encouraging and complementing each other.  God wants to bless you as a couple with power to create and steward wealth. He is not worried by a person with possessions but with one possessed by riches.  Focus on your only source not just on your perceived source.  God is able to send help from some unexpected quarters. He can still send ravens to feed you. Seek first his kingdom. Do whatever it takes to build your faith. Be strong in the word, prayer and the Holy Spirit. That is the greatest financial strategy.  Be rich in God, use things and bless people.

 •         Be generous. Apply bible principles and be a wise and generous giver. Give to God, your offering is a portrait of your passion and confidence in God you sent to God. Where your treasure is that’s also where your heart is. If you don't use your money to build the tabernacle of God it will be used to build a golden calf. Give to other people. Welcome guests, give gifts  and contribute to needs and worthy causes. Before God provides things he provides an opportunity for you to give. Give to your family needs. Don’t neglect your spouse and children’s needs in favour of those outside the family.  Often it is easy to be swift to respond to needs of relatives and friends while insensitive to those at home.

 If God cannot trust you with his money how can he trust you with true riches. Those who keep and abuse what God gives get less and less from him and also the devourer robs them of what they have. God graciously takes back from the devourer to give to the givers for the wealth of the wicked is laid up for the righteous. He also keeps the devourer from the givers particularly those who faithfully give their tithe. You cannot beat God in giving no matter how hard you try. Its not true that if you give you will not have enough.  

Other Scriptures Consulted

1 Tim 6:10-17

2 Corinthians 8:2-5

Acts 5:1-7

Deuteronomy 8:18

Ecclesiastes 10:19

Genesis 1:26-28

Genesis 2

Luke 16:12

Luke 6:38

Malachi 3:8, 10, 11

Mark 12:41-44

Proverbs 11:24, 25

Proverbs 13:22b 

Proverbs 3:9,10

Proverbs 30:8, 9

Psalm 24:1

Luke 19:12-26.

By Kurai and Lena Chitima

Shared at a Family Network Meeting

2 September 2016

Keys to a Strong Marriage

Keys to a strong marriage I shared with a couple I married last year

-       Trust is built over time but can be destroyed in a moment.

-       Love each other unconditionally. Not performance based. Don’t compare your spouse with other people.

-       Be willing to consider the other’s views. It is now ‘we’ not ‘I’.

-       Be willing to learn and to seek solutions where there are challenges you are failing to overcome

-       Don’t take each other for granted.Continue what you did in courtship to win your spouse.

-       Place high value on each other, appreciate and be thankful. Believe in each other.

-       You are not captives of each other but there to give each other freedom to become all that God wants you to be. Look to draw out the best and the potential in one another. Focus on positives. Look for things to praise. Often say I love you.  Affirm one another.

-       Avoid winning an argument and losing the relationship.

-       A healthy marriage relationship is the greatest gift parents can give to their children

-       Recognise and appreciate gender, personality and other differences. Difference is the beginning of synergy.Use the strengths that you share to overcome gaps from your difference

-       Pray, plan and play together

-       Evaluate how well you are doing and keep improving where you are week. Be realistic, there is no perfect spouse/marriage.

-       Areas of marital problems are – Gender difference, Sexual intimacy, Money, Outsiders, Poor communication, spouse roles

-       In laws are a God given resource. In laws are not  outlaws

-       Honoring parents brings God’s finest blessings.

By Kurai Chitima
Faith Ministries
Johannesburg

Mothers: Unsung Heroes

Message 6 May 2016 Mothers # Unsung Heroes

When Jesus saw His mother and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, “Woman, here is your son.” Then He said to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” So from that hour, this disciple took her into his home. -  John 19:26-27

Mothers are the most unsung heroes of the world. Their work is not officially classified as an occupation yet it’s the most important work happening. No one is able to pay for what they do. Your mother carried you in her womb for nine months. When you came out she received you and cuddled you. She nursed you, fed you, changed your nappies/diapers, wiped food off your mouth. She was there for you and wiped tears off your cheeks and nose. She cleaned up your space, bathed you and potty trained you. She rose up odd times of night to tend to you. With one eye and ear  on you she fulfilled her daily tasks. She cooked her best meals and washed dishes and clothes for you. She prepared your lunch box, and assisted you with homework. She sang and read you stories. She bought you nice things celebrated you and your birthdays. She believed in you and was always there for you. She washed, mended and ironed your stuff. Often she had to do this on top of a full time job. How many eyes, hands and roles do mothers have? They are simply amazing. 

The Lord Jesus in the midst of his most intense pain and suffering and impending crucifixion took time for his mother. He left an indelible model of the importance and priority of loving and caring about the welfare of one’s mother. Despite the agony he assigned John to look after his mother and asked his mother to receive John as her son. Of the Apostles John lived the longest. He must have had ample opportunity to care for Mary and must have done it well. 

Mothers are gifted to carry the load only them can carry. ‘And Moses said unto the Lord , Why have you afflicted your servant? and I have not found favor in your  sight, that you lay the burden of all this people on me?  Have I conceived all these people? have I given birth to them, that you should  say to me, Carry them in your bosom, as a nursing father bears the sucking child, to the land which you swore to their fathers? (Numbers 11:11-12)’

Moses compared the burden of caring for six million constantly murmuring people to the challenge of a nursing father left to care for a sucking child. The situation was even worse those days - they had no milk formulas. The baby would cry and the father would  try singing, throwing them in air, moving around etc. but nothing would work. Having such a nurse was also a nightmare for the child. Yet a mother can carry them in her bosom leaving smiles on the face.

Mothers are strong. Don’t mistake their tenderness for lack of toughness. When the going gets tough in the home mothers face the brunt of how the most can be done with the barest resources. Even when some men desert their families mothers are more likely to stick it out. Humanitarian organisations have a bias to supporting women with income generation ideas and capital because when the mothers succeed the chances are highest for the benefit to flow into the whole family.  There is discussion about the possibility that the flu man catch is different from the one women catch because when men have a cold, exaggerate the symptoms. The discussion is so serious that some are investigating if there is a scientific basis.

Mothers love selflessly. Mothers are not just women who gave birth but those who commit to the nurturing and well being of their children. A story I read, the teacher asked the class to state their answer as a fraction:  If there’s 10 at the table and one apple pie, how much does each one get?  To her disappointment the answer she got was one ninth. One kid said “Do you know my mother?  If there’s that many at the table and only one pie, she will have none”  Mothers are so loving they will not spend on themselves unless all the children’s needs are met

God uses mothers. Eunice and Lois laid the foundation of faith in Timothy. ‘I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am convinced is in you as well.’ 2 Timothy 1:5. They have the best of wishes for their children. They inspire lifelong foundation of godly principles in the children they carry, pray and care for when they are helpless and see them as the only hero they know – with the father of course.

Mothers are not perfect. Though a mother is the person you go to when looking for someone who will always be on your side and really listen and understand. She is not perfect. Mothers are a type of the care and love God has.  When she comes short God has promised to be with you.

 ‘When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up (Psalm 27:10)’

Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands; Your walls are continually before Me.… (Isaiah 48:15-16).

But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherishes her children:  So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us  (1 Thessalonians 2:7-8).

Honor your Mother. Overcome the tendency to be more kind, and considerate with your friends, your boss and everyone else. Love and take care of your mother. Tell her how much you love her. Honoring your mother come with a promise.  Honor your  father and mother so that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord has given you and that it may go well with you. (Deuteronomy 5:16)

Message by Dr. Kurai Chitima.

Faith Ministries – Johannesburg Faith Life Center.

First Floor Dhando House,

66 Eloff Street Extension,

Village Deep,

 Johannesburg,

South Africa