Love and Submission in
Marriage
Colossians 3:5-19
By Dr. Kurai Chitima
Increasingly the institution of marriage
is shrouded in questions. Not only do people wonder if it really works but many
have questioned its very meaning.
However, marriage can still be lasting and enjoyable if the Bible is accepted to be the manual. If
you are trusting on Bible principles. You are in the right direction for all
you need to enrich your marriage. If things are not working out. Keep going and
learn how to improve application of the principles. Don’t throw away Gods order
because you leave yourself with nothing that works.
In Colossians 3, Paul wrote to all believers about godliness being
the foundation of life and marriage. With godliness of the couple, 90% of marital problems are solved. "But
now ye also put off all these ; anger , wrath , malice , blasphemy , filthy
communication out of your mouth . Lie
not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds
; Put on
bowels of mercies , kindness , humbleness of mind , meekness ,
longsuffering ; Forbearing one another
, and forgiving one another , And above
all these things put on love for one another. He defines love in 1 Corinthians 13.
Ephesians 5:21 adds "Submitting yourselves one to another in the
fear of God ."
Having clearly laid a foundation of godliness that includes mutual
love and submission, Paul then specifically exhorts wives to submit to their
own husbands and husbands to love their wives. In other words if he were to give
each spouse one piece of advice he would say wives learn healthy submission and
husbands learn unconditional life giving love. I would like to say the two are
indispensable ingredients for successful marriage. With godly attitudes and
actions of SUBMISSION and LOVE a couple cannot go wrong anywhere, anytime, under any
conditions.
1. Submit to your own
husbands, it is fitting in the Lord. (Colossians 3:18). Don’t
demean him Respectfully help him.
Paul gave a simple but loaded reason - it is fitting in the
Lord. Its in order. Its in place. It's
in good taste. It's attractive. It fits your make up and design.
Interestingly, he was addressing women who care a lot about ensuring things are
matching and fitting particularly dressing. Before you leave home you have to
check in the mirror and make adjustments for yourself if everything on you is
fitting. Out there very rarely do people tell you the truth. They will laugh
behind your back and make you a part of their dinner conversation. Worse you
will be left out of relationships and opportunities. Similarly you should check for yourself in the mirror of the word
concerning your marriage relationship and make adjustments. If you don't very few who notice your
unfitting behavior will tell you yet
the behaviour/pattern is killing your relationship. Failure to submit still
doesn't look good even if the wife brings in more income, has higher social
status or bigger physical stature.
The meaning of submission from the bible
context is far from making wives inferior. It is far from being objects of
abuse and oppression. It is not being like a door mat. It means playing the
noble roles of being wise helper and companion in cooperation with their
husbands. Otherwise husband and wives
are of equal worth before God. Submission is cooperation in a romantic relationship. Paul took the issue from the level of general
gender and rights issues level by saying "Submit to your own husbands". The submission of a wife to her own
husband is therefore not a gender but a romantic issue. It is the romantic
formula that works.
Submission has wisdom. A willingness to
be led and to learn from him. It is to be a student of your spouse so you can
respond and help in a manner that is mutually effective. It is strategically
willingly submitting to one you love and who loves you for endless mutual
marital returns and the greater purposes of God. God is our helper yet he is not inferior to
us. Also God the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit are for equal but to achieve
their purpose the Son submits to the Father and the Holy Spirit glorifies the
Son. They are co equal but still respect and support each other in their
roles.
Adam
made some great achievements. He looked after the garden and named the over
17,500 creatures God had made on his own. He was not only smart enough to name
them but was able to remember the names. He lacked someone of his kind to celebrate his
achievements with. The LORD God said, “It is not
good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” God
prescribed companionship and help as cure of alone ness. Adam longed for
someone to appreciate, encourage, promote, admire, pray for, advise and respect
him. Someone to make him a hero and
achiever. Spouses need to be disturbed when everyone else is seeing and talking
about their husbands'/wives' heroisms and they are the only ones seeing
differently (PHD syndrome). Adam could not be a hero among animals. To some
animals Adam was an outright enemy. To others he had butchered their relatives.
They were below him and God was above him. You are only meaningfully a hero
among your kind.
Love your wives. Don’t be
bitter towards them (Colossians 3:19). Don’t wrestle her
but nestle her.
Often we do not realize how hard it can be for God to
get the cooperation of people. When he called Jonah he had to bring him to line
via the fish's belly. Moses had to be persuaded, threatened and assigned Aaron
to accompany him. Gideon had a range of reasons and arguments. Paul needed an
ambush that left him blind. Christ's return has taken long because God is
patient so that people do not perish. It is not surprising
therefore that God made Adam last and
caused him to sleep before creating Eve - to avoid arguments (Genesis
2:21-25). Even though, if God was not
all knowing leaving out Adam's input would have been the biggest risk He ever
took. I imagine that heaven watched keenly to see what would happen when she
would be presented to Adam. Would Adam argue about her features and appearance?
Was he to rather prefer one of the animals? Was he to ask for more than one?
Was he to ask for a fellow man? The answer was an emphatic no. To God, it turned out to be one of the
easiest experiences to get men's cooperation. He did
not need to say a word. He simply speechlessly
watched a romantic drama. Talk of the origins of poetry (Genesis 2:23), Adam broke into poetry. He chased after her so passionately that if he had
parents he would desert them (Genesis 2:24). He cherished Eve and cleaved to
her so that they blended into one flesh.
Eve's cooperation was not an issue when she was loved so much. Who
doesn't want to submit to love. LOVE is the bond of perfection (Colossian
3:14). Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures
all things. Love never ends (1 Corithians 13:4-8). This love is unconditional, selfless and life
giving (Ephesians 5:25). Husbands with this kind of life will not find an
excuse good enough to be bitter against their wives. Peter also exhorted
husbands to honor, respect and understand their wives (1 Peter 3:7).
Marriage commitment will be tested. You therefore want to make
sure your marriage is strong enough. When husbands love and cleave to their
wives as Adam did, the wives reciprocate and the result is a one flesh covenant
relationship under God. Some are joined
as in a chain. When one breaks they break apart. Others are wound together as
strands of fibers on a rope. When one breaks the relationship becomes weak and
endured instead of being enjoyed. Unlike these types a one flesh is unbreakable
because the two are inseparable. You share whatever the other goes through.
When one is pained you share the pain.
The couple can only fight together
and will stand together and not break till parted by death. Nothing and
no one from outside the marriage can destroy it unless the relationship already
had fault lines.
Concluding Remarks:
The Bible highlights who in
the context of mutually loving and submitting to one another is best to lead
the other on love and submission respectively.
Submitting and loving are not
always easy. But when you do your part prayerfully you strengthen the other in
their role and you have better chances for your spouse to improve on their
part. Your part is like a seed you sow
in the relation that the other multiplies back to you. People may not
understand your situation but God does. Ask Him for grace to maintain a right
attitude, and wisdom.. Psalm 23 is all about how God loves us even though we
are not easy to love.
