Thinking Outcomes
By Kurai and Lena Chitima
Communication in marriage is the way a couple make their feelings and thoughts known to each other. It is a way they find commonness with each other. The measure of overall effectiveness of communication in marriage is the effect it has on the marriage. All communication is for a purpose. If it results in unintended consequences or reactions, communication has failed. The same applies to marriage. The couple needs to establish a shared purpose for communication in their marriage. They must agree on what their communication is supposed to achieve. The aim of communication in healthy marriages is to build[1] and preserve enjoyable marriage by sharing love[2]. Each seeks to win the other as opposed to winning an argument or merely passing information. Good communication builds oneness. What matters are not just the technicalities of communication but its outcomes? The feedback from the other person and the impact a communication had on the marriage confirms its effectiveness. When communication results in marriage failure, it has failed.
Think about the likely
effect of your communication before you speak. Let your communication result in
outcomes you intend. Be slow to speak and quick to hear. Seek to understand the
other person and anticipate their response. Words once spoken, as water from a
spring cannot be taken back. Even when you could argue that, you simply told the
facts. It is not the veracity but the wisdom of words that carries the day.
Communication can build or
destroy the married and their marriage. Your spouse becomes what you say to
them, that is how important communication is. Like with seeds, sow what you
want to reap. For example, focusing on mentioning failures produces more
failures. Focusing on strengths encourages the strengths. Symptoms of
communication break down include mistrust, defensiveness, unresolved conflict, being
judgmental of each other.
Learning how to
communicate effectively, in a manner that strengthens your marriage is not easy
but is necessary to a functional and enjoyable marriage.
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