Tuesday, 30 October 2012

The Beauty of Boundaries in Marriage



By Kurai and Lena Chitima

People pack stadiums to enjoy soccer because of well-defined boundaries for people present. Such is the beauty of boundaries. The players on the field comply with certain rules. The spectators on the terraces will not stampede from the terraces or suddenly raid the pitch. The officials presiding over the match rely on certain boundaries for enforcing order. Suspense and excitement grips the stadium as everyone discovers how teams out play each other within boundaries of the game. Setting boundaries is the next priority in any responsibility after setting objectives. Boundaries mark the extent of rights and privileges. They mark the beginning and end of something. They mark what is yours and what is not. What is right and what is not? Before you embark on an assignment, you want its reference terms and provisions. To cultivate a farm or embark on a building project, you want the site plan.  Imagine the bewildering nature of a world without boundaries.  Non-existent or blurred boundaries lead to power conflict and chaos.

Setting and respecting boundaries is also vital to lasting marriages[1]. Mutual trust and respect give meaning to boundaries. Marriage gives freedom and privileges exclusive to the marriage relationship.  If you wish your boundaries to be respected you must respect those of others. Whenever you violate your boundaries, you violate another person’s and put to risk what is within your boundary. Your actions have consequences to you, to your spouse, children and the community.

Boundaries define limits of freedom. In other words they give freedom. Respect of limits is the basis on which society functions normally. Even God has limits, which He set for himself [2] that help us to relate with him.  For example, we know he is light and love so we can be attracted to Him. The ability to set and enforce one’s limits reflects the power one has.  The more self-regulating you are the more powerful. Spouses that exercise inner self restrain to stay faithful to each other make powerful marriages. Once the marriage boundaries are set, protect them and control what you let in to the marriage. Identity, values and purpose determine moral boundaries.  Who you are determines what you do. When you are the righteousness of Christ[3] certain things become unfitting. 





[1] Malachi 2:14
[2] Numbers  19:23  
[3] 1 Corinthians 5:21

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