Best Idea for Marriage Life
By Kurai and Lena Chitima
Marriage
is God’s idea for two people to enjoy marital privileges and responsibilities
in a relationship founded on the strongest form of agreement, based on the
deepest form of love shown by the strongest kind of commitment facilitated by
the most natural complementary qualities. This
ideal is achieved through a covenant relationship entered into by a man and a woman
who love one another. God’s design[1]
for this ideal is loving monogamous and heterosexual exclusive relationships
supported by mutual respect, openness and trust. Relationships of two people safely sharing who they are and what they have in one intimate relationship.
EARNING
Marriage
is designed for people with social and physical maturity (not boys and girls) who
have the means to be self-sustaining. God gave Adam a place, a work/
responsibility, a capacity (land, ability to name, etc) before he gave him a
wife. Failure by two people in marriage
to figure out how they will earn a living is a marital time bomb. At least have a credible plan.
LOVING
Unconditional
love[2]
(Agape) is the foundation to an enjoyable and lasting marriage. Love implies
that spouses enter into marriage willingly. They respect and cherish each other
as gifts from God. God did not force Eve on Adam he simply
presented her and Adam loved her. Love
seeks to make the other person happy and better. Lasting love focuses on giving
and not getting. Love is refined by challenges not broken by them.
LEAVING
Two
people in marriage need to be loving and committed to each other enough to
prefer and prioritise the development of their relationship. Getting married is
a new start that results in social
transformation of all prior
relationships with friends, relatives and even one’s relationship with God[3].
Marriage requires spouses to adjust/leave the life style they had as singles in
order to accommodate their spouse. Marriage is exclusive between the two so
that they can be inclusive in serving others effectively together.
CLEAVING
Marriage
requires mutual choice to hold on/cleave to each other. If you do not leave
completely you can not cleave completely. Without leaving the former order of
life, it is hard to cleave to your spouse. In joining two pieces of wood, it is
critical to clean up the surfaces well before applying the glue. Cleaving is
not a once off act but continuously deliberate action.
FORMALISING
Entering
into a formal covenant affirms commitment and is indispensable for a healthy
marriage. A covenant is the strongest form of agreement two parties can enter
into. It is a relationship where the parties exchange everything for life. This
relationship involves coming out in the open and being joined in a way that
meets reasonable expectations of both spouse families, and with the blessing of
God and the law. Covenants prove strong
unconditional commitment to each other for life by exchanging promises and
obligations. Unlike mere contracts, in
covenants performance of one is not conditioned on performance of the other.
LIVING
Living
together, and spending time in positive communication facilitates oneness in
marriage. Doing things together with complete openness[4] is how marriage is lived. Sexual and emotional intimacies
are vital to a successful marriage but oneness also includes sharing plans, ideas,
affection, friendship, priorities and, generally making decisions together. Strong oneness is not achieved overnight it’s
a process that requires adjustment. Failure to manage adjustment to oneness/sameness- in values, perspectives and
aspirations can shake a marriage. It is
not always an easy process because of differences in backgrounds and expectations.
Often married couples desire oneness but
program their lives against it by not living together, and not deliberately doing
the things that encourage and strengthen oneness.
Discussion
What
things affect oneness/closeness in marriage? How can they be overcome?
We
appreciate receiving your comments below.
i like it when you mentioned the issue of leaving.This is one area that affects oneness/closeness in marriage. Marriage is an exclusive r/ship and it must be treated as such. Dont allow third parties into the marriage be it relatives, friends, or so called small houses lest you will regret it. And also your marriage partner is your primary relationship you should not prioritise secondary relationships at the expense of this primary r/ship as this would kill your closeness. One last thing i think is openness. Genesis 2:25 the man and the woman were both naked and were not ashamed. As God brings you together in marriage you should be prepared to share open lives no hidden secrets as these will ruin closeness and destroy trust. Thanks Mai Wirirai
ReplyDeleteGreat contribution. Thank you. Marriage is such an endangered species. The first battle lines are in our own marriages. If we embrace God's idea and do practical things to strengthen areas of weakness, we will confound the notion that marriage is a drudgery that does not work.
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