Marriage
Built on the Rock
God designed for you to enjoy and not
endure your marriage. An enjoyable and lasting marriage is founded on love,
protected through trust and sustained through verbal and non verbal communication
of thoughts and feelings. Verbal communication contributes only about 7% of
what is conveyed.
An enjoyable and lasting marriage is
founded on the unconditional, selfless and giving love of God (Agape).
The five pillars that hold a marriage can be presented as an acrostic
A.G.A.P.E built around phrases from the conventional marriage vows. They make
the foundation of a strong marriage. One built on a rock and remains firmly
established when floods of life come. Your marriage must be on the Rock instead of on the rocks.
A. Agreement that lasts[1].
‘till death do us part’ (marriage
vows)
- Agree on faith and values. reflect God’s image and model Christ’s relationship with the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33)
- Agree on terms of the relationship. For better for worse.
Formalise the agreement. This shows seriousness, and also gives access to
legal provisions. Exchange of pledges and promises..
- Agree on goals/direction/purpose. While travelling together you can disagree on whether coca cola adds more life than cream soda and still reach the same place. However its huge when you disagree about two destinations in opposite directions. How can you remain together in that case. Without mutual goals a marriage drifts and fizzles out .
- Fulfil your purpose as a team for service. To be a blessing to children, church, and community.
- Agree on accountability. Let someone hold you accountable to foster discipline
G. Godliness. ‘according to the law of God’ (marriage vows)
Christian couples
will eliminate 99% of their marital problems if
spouses relate to each other in a godly manner
A. Absolute/Unqualified commitment. ‘for better
for worse.’ (marriage vows)
a.
Commitment that does not depend
on the other but on who you are. All the other kinds of love – Phileo, Eros,
Storge, etc are important to have in a healthy marriage but AGAPE is what will
sustain the relationship.
b.
Commitment as an act of the
will and not just a feeling, looks or benefits.
c.
Commitment and affection that grows
stronger and warmer with time.
P. Place high value on each other. ‘to love and to cherish.’ (marriage vows)
a.
Esteeming the other as a gift
from God that must be treasured.
b.
Stewarding your relationship as a gift for your
children.
c.
Selflessly ministering to the
others needs. Honoring and helping the other to experience their full
potential. Make your goal
to selflessly make the other person happy. Be a student of your spouse to know
their needs. Its frustrating to heartily meet assumed needs that your spouse
does not have. There is no investment, in this life, that yields greater dividends
than that of meeting the needs of your spouse.
d.
Considering and accommodating
the other. asking, ‘What can I do differently for the sake of my spouse’.
E. Enjoy being together. ‘to have and to hold’. (marriage vows)
Enjoy
companionship[5]. Attract and chase after each other even in
marriage. Keep the fire burning. How terrible it is to be alone or lonely yet in marriage. Normal spouses get
worried when either the other is too jealous and when the other is not jealous
at all.
a.
Don’t
be strangers living together and having children.
b.
Playing together - Friendship.
c.
Being together. Enjoy each
other.
d.
Do things together. Laughing
together. Crying together.
e.
Being there for each other. Seeing each other virtually
through Skype is positive but not good enough. It can not substitute flesh and blood.
Real time can not substitute reality
f.
Communication. The key organ is
not the mouth but LISTENING with ears and eyes.
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