Parenting and Disciplining Children

 

Parenting and Disciplining Children

By Kurai and Lena Chitima

 

Fifty years ago, in many places, corporal punishment at home, in schools, in playfields, and in other settings, such as by police, was the norm. The law and society relied on it even among adults.  If you were spanked at school and you reported to your parents, you would get a second dose of the same. The topic of spanking children as a disciplinary method has become more controversial due to the increase in child abuse cases and the rise of child protection and rights movements. Additionally, research suggests that corporal punishment can be harmful and that other forms of discipline may produce better results.  As a result, many countries now have laws that forbid spanking and view it as child abuse, with consequences as severe as the child being taken away from the parents.

Christians have had to reflect on the understanding and application of scriptures that teach about not sparing the rod in parenting, to drive away foolishness, and to demonstrate love.  The following scriptures are among the most cited.

Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; But the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Proverbs 13:24 Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves them is diligent to discipline them.

Proverbs 23:14-15 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. 14 Punish them with the rod and save them from death.

 

The question is what the rod was in the scriptures and what their main objective was. What is clear and can be agreed upon is that the scriptures underscore the importance and seriousness of the need to correct, guide, and discipline children.  The rod at least symbolically refers to the actions loving parents take to correct, guide, and discipline their children. The shepherd’s rod and staff of the Old Testament were used as instruments to guide sheep and ward off attacking wolves. Something that is not clear in Proverbs 22:15 is whether the rod of correction refers to the rod used to correct by driving away foolishness, or whether it suggests that correction is a rod that drives away foolishness. The book of Proverbs is a poetic book that often uses metaphors.

 

The rod could, however, also, in the biblical social context, have referred to an instrument used to enforce discipline by caning or “beating” a wrongdoer, as is implied in Proverbs 26:3, which indicates that the rod is for the "back of fools".   A whip for the horse, a bridle for the donkey, and a rod for the backs of fools.  A parallel is drawn between whipping a horse, bridling a donkey, and applying the rod to the backs of fools. A whip is for beating a horse to direct it. A Bridle is for a rider to control a donkey; therefore, a rod is also for directing a fool in the right path. As an instrument for disciplining through caning, the rod is not intended for venting anger, but rather for guiding, training, and correcting lovingly and constructively within the context of training.  It focuses on helping children learn what is right, respect boundaries, and understand the consequences of breaching them. This aligns with the following scriptures in Proverbs.

Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.

 

In contexts where it is illegal or where children have been oriented to misinterpret canning, one needs to weigh whether the option to spank a child correctly is something worth dying for. When one considers that the rod can be looked at symbolically and that the objectives of canning can be achieved in other ways, the answer is no.  Not all canned kids have turned out well, and not all non-canned kids have turned out badly. Either way, you have both positive and negative outcomes. This suggests that it's not so much canning or not canning but training and disciplining.  Generally, discipline at work and in other relationships, including the marriage relationship, does not require physical punishment. Many have been effectively trained for their careers without beating.

 

All discipling should be done with love and not just for punishment, but for correction.  Positive reinforcement and rewarding good behaviour have their benefits as well. Encouragement to do the right thing. An environment that enables correct behaviour. It's not just about restrictions but also freedom within boundaries. Paul warns that parents should not provoke their children to anger/frustration, for example, by not providing the necessary support, making unreasonable demands, or damaging their self-esteem. Ephesians 6:4. Unwise discipline and punishment of any kind will incite anger and rebellion in a child. Fair discipline is based on a well-established trust, strong caring relationship, clearly defined boundaries, and is consistently and impartially applied. Also, the parents are known to demonstrate the values they want their children to adopt.

 

God is the ultimate model of effective disciplining. He balances love and discipline by making them work together. He disciplines his children out of love (Hebrews 12:4-1).  Parents are supposed to discipline their children with love and wisdom from God. Even though parents walk through the valley of the shadow of death, they will fear no evil, for the Lord is with them; His rod and His staff, they comfort them. 

 

Most importantly, the word of God is the primary rod of correction. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says all Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness so that the servant of God[a] may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.  This resonates with Deuteronomy 6:7-8. 7 which says you shall teach them (God’s word) diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.

 

Exercise: Write down a vision of the kind of child you want to release into the world like an arrow (Psalms 127:3-5). Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.