Parenting Children at Different Ages

 

Parenting Children at Different Ages

 

By Kurai & Lena Chitima

•          Raising children is a tremendous responsibility. Psalm 127:4 As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are children of the youth.   Bow and arrow

•          The best gift parents can give their children is to love one another. Sometimes, not sure when to go back home, they will find their parents there.

•          Also, their marriage is sowing seeds for their children’s marriages. Hebrews 13:4  In today's culture, with so many broken families, is it any wonder that we have so many troubled children?  

 

 

RECOGNISING THE CHILD’S STAGE OF DEVELOPMENT

 

 

 

INFANCY

•           Background and infancy not have much control. Absolute dependence on God, parents and guardians. Clinton refers to it as the sovereign foundations.

 

Main Needs

•           Belonging, care, prayer, protection, love, nourishment and basic knowledge.

•           Since children have no choice parents have responsibility to build a strong foundation for them

 

 

 

 

CHILDHOOD

 

Characteristics

 

Begin the discovery of what you carried for 9 months

Still unable to look after themselves and  High eagerness to learn. Asking questions. Good at imitating.

Formative years

Parents are heroes and models - they know everything (later, they know nothing, and much later, they know something)—from Hero – liability/villain – human. Believe parental opinion.

Values and opinions acquired at this stage last for life. (Prov. 22:6).

 

•         Is a place of acceptance, affirmation, blessing, and confidence-building. The opposite of acceptance is rejection. Research indicates that almost all violent teenagers feel rejected by their parents. Hostile, cutting, harsh words from parents kill the teenager's spirit. Slapping, shoving, pushing, and beating will almost always produce a rebellious teenager. Be encouraging, look for the positive things done and said, and commend them. 

 

Main Needs/Priorities

 

Love, Parental care, and protection. It is a safe place of provision and a haven of protection. – 23:13 Prayer Coverage

•      Pray for their protection

•      Pray for their future mate

•      Pray for their calling

 

Learning and training. (Luke 2:52). Prov 22:6  Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Domain competencies and peak performance skills. It is a school of learning about life (wheel of life) and to be self-learners. Solid Teaching helps the child grow to a wise adult – 22:15

Consistent guidance and example

Primary school education. The responsibility to train is parents. Give teachers support instead of undermining their reasonable authority.

 

             Clarity - Don’t let boys see

 

Is a place where godliness is modeled. Children tend to do what they see, not hear. Discipline. Accountability. Learn respect for parents/authority.

Responsibility. Beginning, e.g., packing up toys, etc., is labor-intensive and a responsibility. Wash clothing, gardening, cooking, etc

 

Empower to face challenges at school, e.g., bullying. Avoid stepping in

–    Is a place of good governance- authority, hierarchy, and discipline are respected; Parental respect and obedience (1 Tim 3:4 and 12)

 

 

 

 

 

 

ADOLESCENCE

 

 

Characteristics

 

•          Adjust relational style

•          Identity crisis/seeking. Own generation and own personality

•          Parents still have greater influence than television etc  

•          A period of continued learning and training

•          A stage of transition to adulthood. Good parents prepare the child for leaving the nest. Responsibility and stewardship

 

•         Struggle is to strike a balance between’

–     the changes within them,

–    the high expectations that society has of them,

–    peer pressure

–    and the information they are flooded with by the media.

•          Trying to find own identity. Looking for more breathing space from parental protection and identification.

•          Pressure to look as good as possible. Incl physical appearnce. Height and weight diff, unique facial features, size of sexual organs(breast, penisetc ), athletic and other abilities,  noticable . Preoccupation ewith clothing and hairstyle. Hate being compared as not measuring up. Sexual proximity to prove adequacy

•          Intellectual dev leads to new insight and evaluation of life and background. Things perhaps could have been different. E.g. single parent, unmet desire, rejection, knowing christ is a big advantage. Compare actil and the ideal.

•          Want reasons. They want to do because they have but understand

 

•          Is an abiding place of unqualified love. When teens are secure in the love of their parents, they will have confidence to face the negative influences in our culture. Emotional connectedness requires communication.

•          words, sentences, ideas, and assumptions recorded during the most painful and intimate moments of interaction she’s had with the primary people in her life.” – Kevin Huggin p. 144

•          No one else has same opportunity – not peers, teachers, artists. When sick, disappointed, tired etc its parents with the child. Intimate exposure breeds influence. Take max advantage of the exposure you have.

 

•        Can still use these to influence choices about relationships, responsibilities in life. Withdraw privilege- in an attempt to acoiud conflict youb bargain awy ability to influence.balance – gal 5:13,15, 16, 17, 19-21.

•        Also parents have some control over the most critical factors in the kid’s life environment. – transportation, clothing, use of free time, telephone, room and board, spending money, tuition, medic care.

 

Main Needs

 

•         Need support and understanding.

•         Security. Want to be loved, valued and noticed. Admired especially by parents.

•         The need help to cultivate a servant heart – identifying needs and responsibility to meet them/provide solutions.

 

 

•        Life Skills to make decisions, negotiate, persuade, etc in relationships with all kinds of people.

•        Values and principles not prescriptions needed. Charles Handy

•         Acquire as much education as possible as early as possible.

•           If to chop a tree in one hour – Ab Lincoln said he would spend 45 minutes sharpening the axe. And 15 min to cut. Prior perfect preparation prevents poor pitiful performance  - 7ps

 

 

 

 

•         Prepare for independence, productivity, roles, relationships and responsibilities.

•         - ability to earn or create income. Skills, image, comm,

•         Ability to charge. Charge for services/ your time. Fair pricing etc

 

•         Values of WORK and Sacrifice

•         A survey of teachers and parents [in USA] showed ‘the present generation of children to be more emotionally troubled than the last. On average, children are growing more lonely and depressed, more angry and unruly, more nervous and prone to worry, more impulsive and aggressive.’  Goleman (11)

•         Often feel misunderstood and not taken seriously

 

•         Charles Handy says that the paradox of age is that every generation expects the next to be like it but it did not want to be like the previous. To a different generation its better to give inspiration, wisdom, principles, responsibility/freedom and example of Godly life than to prescribe methods.

 

 

EARLY ADULTHOOD

 

Early adulthood.

 

Maturing is still taking place and a lot of learning still to be done.

•          Time of taking on more responsibilities and privileges

•          More intentional in career developmental focus. Development is directed towards a particular career direction. Responding to and confirming their sense of calling.

•          Should have realized that the strongest line of dependence is on the Lord

 

 

•          Finding income source/job, business dev, etc

•          Needs self-leadership ability

•          Needs consistent self-discipline.

•          Launching out to a lifetime of responsibility and reproduction.

•          Needing a mentor or someone to encourage and urge is markedly high.

•          Learn how to be independent yet in interdependence with others.

 

 

Marriage stage

 

•          Consolidating strategic alliances incl marriage.

•          Identifying a life partner

•          Courtship and early family life

 

•         That helps them keep their parents from embarrassment Prov 29:15

 

 

 

PROMISES

 

•          Isaiah 44:3-5   Isa 44:3 For I will pour water upon him that is thirsty, and floods upon the dry ground: I will pour my spirit upon thy seed, and my blessing upon thine offspring: Isa 44:4 And they shall spring up as among the grass, as willows by the water courses. Isa 44:5 One shall say, I am the LORD's; and another shall call himself by the name of Jacob; and another shall subscribe with his hand unto the LORD, and surname himself by the name of Israel.

 

 

 

Psa 112:1  Praise ye the LORD. Blessed is the man that feareth the LORD, that delighteth greatly in his commandments. Psa 112:2  His seed shall be mighty upon earth: the generation of the upright shall be blessed.